Day Twenty Two

***Warning: This is quite a long post. Make yourself a cup of tea and settle in or read it later when you have the time!***

My past two Bikram classes have been with Christina, our new teacher from Denmark - the Sunday at 4.30 and this morning's 9.30 class. The Sunday one I started off OK, hit a wall in the middle, and finished strong. I was feeling very fatigued from doing the challenge but also I had sore hips still from Kate's double on Saturday and also the muscles under my arms were a bit strained from pulling my whole body up and over some trapeze rings on Saturday afternoon. I haven't had the core strength to do this since I've had children (ie 15 or so years)- so that gives you some idea what Bikram does for the strength of your mid section. But I won't be doing it again very soon (not while the challenge is on anyway) because of how weak my arms felt the next day!

Took Christina's class this morning and it was a great class. The room was packed, Christina was in her full Bikram mode (I love the way she infuses her instructions with the voice Bikram uses when he says "struggle harder" on his cd class and he has that struggle in his actual voice) and I was really pleased to have pushed through the fatigue (I'm still not sleeping that well at night) and I really nailed a decent class.

There was a new student in the class who I met before I'd even started Bikram, in about October 2009, she's a personal trainer, and I was doing a nightclass with her (a weight loss class). I hadn't succeeded in losing much weight in her classes and I found her fitness regime a little out of my depth. She showed us photos of her own weight loss journey which included a body building competition she had prepared for (which she said she probably wouldn't do again) where she wore, on stage, a g-string bikini and lots of oily fake tan and those really high shoes with the plastic see thru bottoms like transvestites on Karangahape Rd wear. She looked fine when we took the class - she is quite cut - but those photos were a bit disturbing to a middle aged fat woman (me), trying to just get to a normal BMI, for lots of reasons. I bumped into her again in Fiji on a family holiday in October 2010, and told her I'd lost a lot of weight doing Bikram yoga and that it was a great workout, that she should give it a go.

And today she took her first Bikram class, over a year later. Her friend asked me if I had any tips for her. I smiled and said, "Drink lots of water over the last 24 hours." She said, actually I haven't. I said, "Drink lots of water over the next 24 hours then." Then her friend said, but have you got any tips for how she gets through the class. I said "Go Hard" because that's what she would have tried to get me to do back when I first met her. Then I said, "No, really, take it easy in there. It's hot, it takes a bit of getting used to..."

I remember she was very reluctant about Bikram yoga - a conversation I had with her in Fiji revealed that she thought the knee locking was dangerous etc and would have been frowned apon in her industry. But then she said her husband did it recently (he's super fit too I recall) and he said the workout wiped him out for the whole rest of the day. (Being so competitive they were seeing this as a good thing, a kind of result of his effort). Anyway, after class she was sitting on the couch, quietly, flipping through Bikram's book. She'd had a good class, I think she stood a couple of the standing postures out but she certainly never left the room. And she didn't look too flushed afterwards either. I told her the yoga has many more benefits than just physical and she nodded. She was the quietest I have ever seen her. I think she'll be back.

Had a break yesterday and I read quite a bit of Bikram's book called, unremarkably, "Bikram Yoga". (It's the hard back one which goes a bit more into the spiritual side of yoga. I highly recommend it). Here are some awesome quotes from the book that I marked up while I was waiting for my daughter to swim an hour of laps at the Millenium pool yesterday afternoon:

"The discipline of practice helps turn the mind, which for many of you is your worst enemy, into your best friend."

"When we begin to understand the total being that is man, we realize that he is no simple physical organism. Within him are many powers whose potential he employs in greater or lesser degree in accommodating himself to the conditions of this world. The potential is vastly greater than the average person thinks."

"Your life is your responsibility, not mine."

"Yoga is not a religion. Listen, I come from one of the most religious countries that ever existed and I have never been to a temple to worship in my entire life. Why? Because I never believed in it."

"I worship in a different temple: my body."

"You know what is right and what is wrong for you in your life; you just need to develop the moral strength necessary to see it through."

"That's why I say the biggest problem in life is no problem - not having to occupy your mind with survival."

And this next one is a really interesting one folks, and you might find it challenging on some level, as I did, because I have suspected it all along (but who cares? I love being brainwashed for good instead of evil):

"The whole class is one big brainwashing session - washing out bad habits and old patterns that keep you from experiencing mental peace, happiness, and a satisfaction in living."

And I can tell you from my personal experience that this year I have gone from 0 to 100 percent happiness and all the places in between and that my 30 day challenge has definitely been a peak experience, happiness-wise. There's something about this yoga that makes you really look hard at yourself and acknowledge what needs to change and also challenges you to accept your strengths as well.

As Bikram says, he's a tough parent, that this is about tough love. He wants everyone to be the best and most polished (like a mirror) person they can be but he knows to get there we need to be pushed, and pushed hard.

The other day I remembered how I'd come out of class, the first time I'd taken Kate's class when she was a fairly new teacher, and I was really angry. During the class, every time we would take savasana she would say something like "now relax, and let the blood rush back through" (or similar, don't quote me). That word "rush" and "relax" being in the same sentence really pissed me off. (I think the other teachers say "flush" or something, which is obviously less emotive for me). I'm not sure why "rush" pushed my buttons so much - is it because I used to always be in a rush to get everything done, to get everywhere sooner? Later that night I had a dream, in Louis's voice (I must have been doing a lot of his classes, started to dream in Louis, it was funny) was telling me not to worry about it, to relax, just let it go. And then there was a scene at teacher training (I only just remembered this the other day but I had the dream early in the year) where I was bunking with a whole heap of girls from school (they actually weren't all from school but you know how in a dream it's like a feeling like that, and there is no bunking at training it's just twin share or on your own for twice the money) who were surprised to see me and then I met Bikram. He hugged me, in the dream, and at first it felt a bit sleazy and I was like (ew) and then it just melted into this big gooey embrace of love from the universe. Big clear love. Unconditional. It freaked me out a bit (I kept telling myself it was just a dream) but it got me over the word "rush". Very quickly. *lol* Seems funny to think I am really wanting to go to teacher training now (I wasn't consciously thinking of going back then) and it's not me that's holding me back, but my husband. I have decided I am definitely going one day though, maybe it won't be in April, even if that's what I'd like it to be. Maybe something else will happen in between. I can't leave my kids without support (or Todd's blessing) but maybe over time things will change. Or my situation will change. The kids won't be home forever. I'm not getting any younger. But still, maybe there's no need to rush.

Namaste!