I woke up really snuffly this morning and with the beginnings of a headache. The thing I was worried about going into the 9.30am class was my breathing because I know from past experiences that when the nose gets blocked and it is difficult to breathe that sometimes some panic can set in. Also, the challenge is tiring me out a little at the moment, not because of the yoga, but because I have been gaining energy in classes and staying up a little later and then sometimes have a bit of difficulty getting to sleep, though when I'm asleep I've been sleeping deeply which is good. Anyway, all excuses aside I was a little apprehensive about yoga this morning.
Andy was teaching and I told her how I was feeling before class but we also discussed how things can change in the room - sometimes when you feel you're going to have an awful class or things don't seem right you actually end up having a great class. And in a way I had a great class in that the breathing didn't turn out to be the problem really at all. I did have problems though - got the wobbles in a few of the standing poses, found the neck a bit hard to stretch in some of the floor series because it was kind of extending the headache, and realised about a quarter of the way through that my heart rate was up continually (not racing but like when you're sick and it's just a bit faster than normal, consistently, and goes up every time you move).
The whole room must have been a bit low because Andy commented on our lack of energy about halfway through. She looked so disappointed too - I was really feeling for her but I couldn't get up the energy to put any more into this morning's practice (besides you're never there to please the teacher really) to try to boost it up for anyone either - because I know she really does love this yoga and want us all to love it and work as hard in it as she does too. (And we do, just today wasn't completely rocking in the room. And it wasn't her fault)!
What was interesting for me though was that my breathing stayed under control even though my heart didn't seem to go back to complete resting between poses. It was a really odd feeling. (I should mention that whenever I get a virus I always feel it in the heart muscle first, a kind of weakening, which usually clues me in to it being something other than detox or whatever). Anyway, so the class was so-so because I was feeling a bit nauseous with the headache too which made me come out of the first set of camel early because I thought I might puke and then when I turned around to lie down in savasana the room seemed to spin a bit too. Nice! Aaargh. But I thought I might as well try second set, you never know what it is, maybe it's possible to bust through it, clear it, whatever (a year ago I wouldn't have but I thought I'd give it a go). So second set, did camel, no puking. Turned around to lie on the mat and immediately started sobbing.
As you know from previous posts it's not the first time this has happened, though for me it's the first time it's happened in camel pose. (It's the one the teachers always say can make you feel weird, emotional etc etc and though I have felt dizzy coming out of camel before I have never felt a big emotional release in camel before). Now even though the heartrate elevation prior to this didn't upset the breath too much the crying really did. I never quite know what to do when I'm sobbing in class, especially in savasana, because the room can be so damn quiet (haha - I usually love a quiet room, just not when I'm sobbing my heart out OK?) and there is that kind of shamed/embarrassed feeling on top of it (what if everyone can hear me? what if everyone thinks I'm a complete loser?) which just makes things worse. I had to lie out one set of rabbit and the second set I had tears streaming down my face as well as in separate leg stretching and spinal twist, so it took a bit to settle down. I was OK by the final savasana - though I was still sobbing in the final breathing exercise, which kind of hindered getting that stale air out.
Still have a lingering headache but class 16/day 15 is now done. I think I'm just going to let that class go...
Namaste.
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